My teeth have never looked quite this yellow
And my body never quite this fat
I'd pay well over the odds
Just to have some teenage abandon back
I hit the ice on the 5th of Jan and I swear it was an act of fate

But I don't get angry when I'm feeling down
I just take my bubbles to the center of town and...

Schumacher the champagne
Whoever needed good cause to celebrate
Schumacher the champagne
You might as well be proud of last place

We used to set ourselves on fire
When chemistry was twice a week
And now I pay for it over a counter
Whilst they become fitness freaks
My bad habits are taking over all the good left inside

But I don't get angry when I'm feeling down
I just take my bubbles to the center of town and...

Schumacher the champagne
Whoever needed good cause to celebrate
Schumacher the champagne
You might as well be proud of last place
Schumacher the champagne
Whoever needed good cause to celebrate

Take me as I am
Take me as I am
Take me as I am

Or not at all