The girl in the pastry shop with the net in her hair
Is making a cannoli for you
To take on your hiking trip in the woods
With your bros that you've known since second grade
And you may encounter dragons and ruffians
And be called upon to employ your testosterone
In a battle for supremacy and access to females
Glued to the tv
And even if you are victorious
You may receive many cuts, bruises, and scrapes
And you will require band-aids and antiseptic ointments
And tender love and kisses on your stab wounds

And when you come home, she will be there
Waiting for you with a fire in her eyes
And a big fat cannoli to shove in your mouth
And that's why you

Thank god for girls
Halle jesu christe
From tennessee to la
Thank god for girls
On your reckoning day
You better bow down and pray

She's so big
She's so strong
She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls

Thank god for girls
(thank god for girls)
Thank god for girls
(thank god for girls)

I'm so glad I got a girl to think of
Even though she isn't mine
I think about her all the day and all the night
It's enough to know that she's alive
She says I give her sweaty palms
She almost had a heart attack
The truth is that I'm just as scared I don't know how to act
I wish that I could get to know her better
But meeting up in real life'll cause the illusion to shatter
I carved her name into all the trees
I sang a song down on one knee
Looking at the underwear page in the sears catalog
Like when I was 14
I'm levitating like a magnet turned the wrong way around
I'm like an indian fakir trying to meditate
On a bed of nails with my pants pulled down

(chorus)
Thank god for girls
Halle jesu christe
From tennessee to la
Thank god for girls
On your reckoning day
You better bow down and pray
she's so big
she's so strong
she's so energetic in her sweaty overalls
Thank god for girls
(thank god for girls)
Thank god for girls
(thank god for girls)

God took a rib from adam
Ground it up in a centrifuge machine
Mixed it with cardamom and cloves
Microwaved it on the popcorn setting
While adam was like
" (woo-hoo) that really hurt!
(going off into the tundra)
So pissed at god
And he started lighting mighty forest fires
Stealing osprey eggs
Messing with the bees who were trying to pollinate
The echinacea
Until god said
"I'ma smite you with loneliness
And break your heart in two"
And adam wept and wailed
Tearing out his hair
Falling on his knees, looked to the sky and said
"thank god"