I was doing alright
Ive been well behaved
Bad things out of my life
I thought I was saved

I was gone so long
Hard at work on tour
Got my cable turned back on
Didnt know what was in store

I turned on the tv
And suddenly they were in front of me
Changed the channel, they were on all the shows
It made my brain explode

Speidi Free
Is the way it should be
Get them off of my tv
Before I upchuck my coffee

Someone rescue me
Will someone hear my plea
Torture of the worst degree
The world should be Speidi Free

Listen, Heidi.. girl
you need to get a clue
Your song Body Language
is no Slave 4 you
And Mr. Spencer Pratt,
You think your so adored
But everytime you speak
Its like nails on a chalk board

We could send them off in an air balloon
That would never stop until it reaches the moon
We could lock them away in a submarine
Then up here on land, it would be so serene

Speidi Free
Is the way it should be
Get them off of my tv
Before I upchuck my coffee

Someone rescue me
Will someone hear my plea
Torture of the worst degree
The world should be Speidi Free

Bridge:

What I say is not in vain
Its just that they will melt your brain
Your eyes will pop, your ears will blow
So to Speidi.. just say no
Just say no
Make them go
Away!