Ok, right, here we are
Charlie
Yup
We're about to take them to the chocolate factory
Why, why are you hitting me with the fat jokes for?
I'm not say I'm just saying sort
of very sort of Oompa Loompa vibes going on, you know?
Ok, right, so, drill
Get into my drilly meditation
Wow
Drill gods, be with me
Is this happening?
I should probably say
shoutout to my friends in prison, shouldn't I?
Okay
Shoutout to Martin and Tabitha
currently in the pen for tax evasion
Free my jiggas!
Mad
MM

Riding 'round in a Rover
If I see opps then it's over
I'll send man straight to Jehovah
When I take shots like M. Sharapova
Doing up tennis
Call man Dennis, I'm a Menace
Doing up olives in Venice
Big man ting, I'm bigger than Ben-is
Stop it
Otherwise Unknown P might bash man's
head straight down like a Bop It
So make like a Freddo and hop it
Your girl is four foot four
and got bare hair on her toes like a Hobbit
If I see her in the club then I'm doing up Aj
the way that I weave and bob it
And I'm not from Homerton, not from Hackney
So I never go East, 'cause bare man try spot P like acne
I'm from Surrey where me and the mandem always go hunting
And the gyaldem are thick like Theresa May on a real big bum ting
19 Hunna on the new rusty, had a gap year in Kenya
came back with the feet so dusty
Still waking up to geese in country
and I never have porridge at nan's because it's oh so lumpy
And if opps wanna throw some hands
then I just draw for the pumpy
Look at me, I'm Unknown T, I've got braids and a deep voice
And when I bend my back and dig it, I really hurt my knee joints
Got a song called Throwback, but my girl got no back
MM
And if you wanna talk Unknowns
then you better talk P, just know that

Ok, so this next one is a little bit of a marshup
A what sorry?
Like a marshup, like all of my greatest hits
for all the mandem to sing along to
A mashup
Yeah, like a sort of, S Club 7's best hits but slightly more violent
Wow
Anyway here we go

MM, see a goose and I smack it, whack, whack
pull up, skrt, feathers, bang, poor thing gets made into a jacket
Get the camera out then pap it
When it comes to the shot, all my brothers know how to back it
Got a ten out of ten out of ten, now that's a hat trick
Listen, Unknown P five foot three, posh drill rapper Mc
Bare Mc wanna pull up on me but I live in Brockley Se23
Shaking a man's hand like Paul Hollywood
If Mary was younger then I probably would
Bare Mc say that their life is a movie
Unknown P says it's more Nollywood
Cooking up in the Aga, got new wellies, Balenciaga
Park my yacht inside the harbour, blue or white, would you rather?
Same-ish different day, same hits, different Ye
Unknown P didn't come to play, here's what the posh boy has to say
I was raised in Surrey
Where mandem were never in court
unless they were doing backhands like Murray
Yeah, Unknown P I'm a posh boy, not Ashley but I am a top boy
Been doing this ting since birth, that's right
I was doing ten toes since the cot boy
And even as a yute in nursery
I had opps in the boot of the Merc-y
And if I let them go and show mercy
had a man give me thanks like turkey
MM
Now I make hits like Conkers
get dizzy on the stage and the crowds going bonkers
Girls say P man I want ya
I wanna sweet one like the one in Willy Wonka
My girl got a peng face
your girl need to cover up just like Kwengface
Big man M Huncho, raised in the country, never been cunch tho
Boasty, bars on power looking all ghosty
If you ever mess with me and the broski
make short work of a man like Loski
Bad manners, you were raised in estate
you man never had manners
And I don't bust guns
'cause why bust guns when I got trust funds
Two gloves and a flat cap, about 10 G's in the backpack
The world is an oyster, so is your nan
'cause Percy would certainly tap that

You know, Charlie, when I was a little todger
my father always said to me
The pen is mightier than the shank
Wait, when you was a little todger?
So I've been cooped away in the mansion
writing up bars about a couple of opps
Who have particularly peeved me
Roll Safe and Big Shaq
Oh wow
This one's for you

MM, Roll Safe, more money
on my scarf than in your whole safe
Eyebrows so big, they take up my whole face
But when I smile my teeth, they go the whole way
Big Shaq, I got the white Air Force, the ladies dig that
They call me Wes Nelson, on my Instagram
but I know it's only 'cause they thinkin' 'bout my six-pack
MM, let's do some quick maths
Unknown P minus talent equals to Big Shaq
You're a Big Mac and I'm an Eton Mess
I'm an Eton Mess and Rs is just heating meth
Yes, he dresses like a druggie
I got the leather gloves on 'cause I'm feeling rather thuggy
I dress my girl in Prada and you dress your girl in uglies
I Shaq you on the beat and Big Shaq is still tryna dougie
Man's not hot, man don't dance
man's not a rapper, man's no chance
Man's not big, and man's not cool
man never studied Latin in a private school
Man's not posh, man's not boujee
man said he's married, married to Snoochie
Married to you but attracted to me
at least that's what she said
when we were shopping for Gucci
Did you see what I done, looks like a black boy
raps like a white one
MM, don't be fooled by the cap
I will snap a man's back like a twelve pack of Snack A Jacks
Mc's done out here, by a middle class lad
just having fun out here, mm
Unknown P and I'm taking pole position
disagree with the decision and bugger off opposition!