Billy big bollocks has been on the drink again
Now he's giving it the big un
but the crowd know it's all pretend
He's had too much to drink and don't care what you think
Vodka and lager thrown up down the sink
He's talking a lot but saying so little right now

And he's calling the doorman a loser
And it's all kicking off in the boozer
The night's just begun but they tell him he's done
And at the top of his voice he demanded another one

So why you gotta be a dickhead?
You silly little man
You talk the talk
But can't be so hard with that bottle in your hand
So why you gotta be a dickhead?
You stupid little man
Cos getting thrown out of here
can't have been part of your plan

Billy big bollock's stood at the takeaway door
Giving it the big 'un but they've all heard it all before
Slowly he's given he's out for a fate
Stood on his own I can't see any mates
Giving it large and he can't even walk on his own

And he's asking the bloke for a lager
He's tell him no like his father
The night's just begun but they tell him he's done
And at the top of his voice he demanded another one

So why you gotta be a dickhead?
You silly little man
You talk the talk
But can't be so hard without bottle in your hand
So why you gotta be a dickhead?
You stupid little man
Cos getting thrown out of here
can't have been part of your plan
Billy big bollocks sways in a taxi queue
A bird walks past, he can't help it he has to be rude
He's giving her lips as he's taking her home
But what he can't see is she ain't on her own
Her boyfriend walks over
He walks up beside him and laughs

So why you gotta be a dickhead?
You silly little man
You talk the talk
But can't be so hard without bottle in your hand
So why you gotta be a dickhead?
You stupid little man
It's gotta be gotta be gotta be part of your plan

So why you gotta be a dickhead?
You silly little man
Cos getting knocked out tonight
can't have been part of your plan