Everyone from across the nation I'm gonna tell you the new sensation A deviation For celebration From tokyo to the appalachians It's hip And it is my dick Far too big to be called a prick My dick is in Ruth, claire, and kim Makes herman munster look like tiny tim Chorus: My dick My dick My dick My dick Like zorro's z My dick makes g G is gook and gook is me Mc's game is makin a name But my dick has a star on the walk of fame It plays one on one with magic johnson And beasts his ass I say my dick's so fast it didn't have to pass What do you do when you're dick's so huge That john holmes dreams of bein you But holmes is dead didn't use his head This cock's gonna give a message instead To take your time Know your playmates don't be blind My dick has its own zodiac sign So i know what i say I was born in april and my dick was born in may Chorus My dick is great It satiates Every woman i've ever known to date They say they've never gone that far When i die they wanna put my dick in a jar I refute Not only huge, but cute No smithsonian institute For me You have your memories Of a size an elephant envies But yet Let's not forget It's not just a measurement It's the way it pumps It fills ten cups Siskel and ebert give it two thumbs up It's fate I'll be there tomorrow but my dick is there today Chorus Haiti! There's a temple there Where all the natives sit and stare At a photocopy of my dink That's truly righteous, don't you think? Every schoolboy's heard the legend Bout how my cork is girlie heaven Body burner Kathleen turner Offered me a grand to learn here But i refused The holy meat won't be abused I will never come to choose For money it will not be used Integrity That is the path for me You'll come to see the life i lead Is of uncommon loyalty To my dick Where it goes i'll follow it Chorus (well... but you should see it when it's hard)