Doodly-doodly-dee
A diddly-diddly-doo
If you go out in the woods
Here are the things you should not do

Oh, never lick a tree below the dog line
If it's brown and sticky, do not pick it up (Unless it's a stick.)
Banjo-playing hicks should be avoided
And it's no joke, that poison oak is not a friendly shrub

With a diddly-diddly-doo and a doodly-doodly-dee
Something horrible will happen if you don't listen to me

Lakes and creeks and ponds are fish's toilets
A thimbleful would surely be your death
Don't drink out of a bog
You may ingest a polliwog
And soon you may be drawing your last breath
Be a grownup!

Doodly-doodly-dee
A deedly-doodly-doo
All these gruesome things are surely
Gonna happen to you


Your sinew's torn apart by a grizzly
Your large intestines wrapped around a tree
If you make the slightest blunder
You'll be surely torn asunder
Did I forget to mention killer bee-hee-hees?

They're comin' up from South America. Read the news, people


Flash floods, lightning strikes, avalanches, blizzards!
Mountain lions, marmosets, honey badgers, lizards!
Scorpions, parasites, black widows, rabies!
Sunburn, frostbite, head trauma, scabies!
Don't even get me started 'bout mosquitoes!
Malaria!
Everybody!

Doodly-doodly-dee! (Dengue fever!)
Diddly diddly doo! (Whooping cough!)
If you go into the woods
Then this will happen to you!
Nature's gross!