Word comes down on the party line
All the suckers on the grapevine are saying:
'Look out boys, here come the Capes and Sticks!'
And they jitter with the funk down Bulblight Lane
When the phone in the phonebox rings again
And it's the Cape and Stick Gang saying 'Just hang around
And we'll stick it to you quick!'

We're the Cape and Stick Boys
Whistling Lillie Langtry
How we laugh when we hear them sigh
The girls who never catch our eye
Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay

And the rookie's in the alley with his home-made drag in a polythene bag
And the rookie say 'Uh oh, looks like I got out the wrong side of my bed today!'
Cos the Capes and Sticks are waiting for him
And they pierce his ears with a safety pin
And the rookie's trying to laugh it off saying
'I was thinking of doing that anyway'

They mount a double-decker with their Lyons Maids
Sit down on either side of a girl with braids
With too much lipstick on her too-thin lips
And a handbag made of lizard
And the Cape in front of her charms her
Smiles in her face and disarms her
And when they kiss the Stick behind her
Cut off her braids with a pair of folding scissors
Singing:

We're the Cape and Stick Boys
Lillie is our heroine
We play pool all through the air raid
Rape machines in the game arcade
Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay

Well they don't need knives for their sweet attacks
Just the sticks they keep down the front of their slacks
Big as a family heirloom, Daddy's randy hand me-down
And for a couple of crowns they'll take you to the docks
Whistling Lillie as they pull out their cocks
Drag you to the top of the gantry
Dangle you fifty feet above the ground, singing:

We're the Cape and Stick Boys
Whistling Lillie Langtry
How we laugh when we hear them sigh
The girls who never catch our eye
Wear capes and carry sticks
And the gang is gay

And on every man's hip there's a thermos flask
If you want a sip all you've got to do is ask
Maybe it's bromide tea or maybe ecstasy
They kiss the girls and make them cry
Then they kiss the boys, they're real bi-guys
And we've all got to die some way, some day
You follow me?