Chapter 3: The Dresser

Learning how to think

I've always gravitated to the word "enlightened". It seems to be a destination in everyone's GPS, but what does it really mean?

I believe the word is solely defined by whom you ask
By definition of "enlightened" is an individual who can control his or her thoughts
I'm going to share with you a method I designed years ago on my path to enlightenment
You'll learn how I became the ring leader of the circus in my mind

But before we get into that, I must be blatantly clear
I was not always living in a state of constant positivity
In fact, for 18 years of my life, I was an extremely stubborn person known for having one hell of a bad temper

As a child, I spent a lot of time on my own
The first portion of my life, I grew up in the rural countryside of Corcoran, Minnesota
I really can't imagine a more rounded place to be raised in than Minnesota
Growing up there, I got a taste of every season

At 6: 30am on a cold winter morning, the last thing anyone wants to do is go stand at the bus stop, but we had to, and furthermore, we had to learn how to enjoy it

We lived on a 3 acre farm house with no neighbours in sight
The only people I knew that existed were my mom, dad and sister
My mother was a wholesome lady, born and raised in the midwest
My father, a motorcycle riding rebel without a cause
The thought of the two of them being together was something like a blizzard in July


They were young and in love, but my father turned out to be more unfaithful than a gas tank on "E", and one day, he ran out
Not just from his wife, but from his children as well
They got divorced, and from this point on, a woman would teach me how to be a man

During the ages 5 to 10, I did a lot of moving around with my mom and sister. I didn't know it then, but we were jumping from city to city simply to survive

At the time of the divorce, my mom was working in the warehouse in my dad's trucking company
When the marriage ended, so did her pay-checks

Not only that, but my father was doing anything he could think of to avoid paying child support
She now had 2 kids, no money, no job, no house and no partner
Mom was standing toe to toe with the biggest challenge of her life and refused to blink

I'll never forget receiving care packages from my grandparents and eating oranges for breakfast, lunch and dinner
This all just added fuel to the fire, she became for determined than ever to provide for her family and change our current circumstances

The only thing to follow a problem is a solution

Eventually mom landed a great job and we relocated to Bloomington, Minnesota
This environment was very different than what I had been used to. It's a very populated suburb that sits just south of Minneapolis
It was built off interactions and relationships with others, which I had absolutely no skills at

Assuming it would be easy for me to make friends, mom recommended I sign up for some sports at school
So I began playing hockey, lacrosse, baseball and golf. Instantly I found myself surrounded by peers but instead of making friends I made them my competition

At this point, growing up without a father figure in my life began to affect me

During practices and games, I'd look around and see my teammates fathers cheering them on and in some cases even coaching the team
I started to realize my family situation wasn't exactly "normal" or similar to most of theirs

Since I spent so much time by myself, I never learned how to take a loss
I had to be the best and needed to impress and outshine others
I was very hard on myself and in turn, would allow these emotions to boil up until I lashed out in fits of anger
Episodes like this would follow me for many years

At one point in school, my math teacher even recommended to my mom that I get tested for bipolar disorder
I wasn't in control of my emotions, they were being controlled by my thoughts

I was very confused and determined to fix this, so I took matters into my own hands
Here's what I came up with

Inside my head sits a dresser
You know, the kind of dresser you keep you clothes in, with top, middle and bottom drawers
Anytime a negative or undesired thought enters my head, I immediately place it in the bottom drawer and slam it shut
Then, I open my top drawer and allow the thought erasing to begin. Thats where I keep all the things that can instantaneously make me happy

It's like how a certain smell can trigger a memory, or how a song can magically bring you back to a place and time
We all have memories with past feeling that make us happy
The goal is to place these memories in your top drawer

The moment I open up my top drawer, vibrant colours explode into the air illuminating music notes, birds, paintings, palm trees, oceans and many other beautiful sites I've captured while travelling the world
Within 1 second, you could completely erase any negative thoughts by simply thinking about things that make you happy
The ability to let go of memories is one of the most powerful tools we possess


I can honestly forget about the initial negative thought immediately, and you can too

Over the years, plenty people have told me they think I have a bad memory. But these people don't understand is that I have a selective memory. I choose what I want to remember. If I decide to remember something, I'll be able to tell you everything about that memory until my dying day

Chapter 4: I'm Selfish

I really like me

To say that you're dreaming right now would essentially mean no one else exists without your effort
It's saying that you're solely responsible for creating everything in your life that, without you, the world would not exist
That's exactly how you're supposed to feel. I'm at the top of my list and I'm not afraid to admit it
I'm not the least bit ashamed and you shouldn't be either
The word "selfish" has been abused and misused since its origin
For some reason, we've attached a negative connotation to this misunderstood word. I'm here to restore it's dignity

By no means am I saying you shouldn't help out others in need, because in my opinion there's nothing more gratifying than being told "thank you"
What I'm saying is, until you've helped yourself, you're not helping anyone else

This is your life, and it's time to start focussing on you

The first song of mine that really caught people's attention was called "No Girlfriend"
From the outside, looking in, it sounds like a typical rap song about being promiscuous with a bunch of girls and not being faithful with one in particular

Let's take a closer look

I've always had an addictive personality to things I feel strongly about. Whatever caught my attention at the time, I would submerge myself in it
When I first saw Travis Barker play drums, I picked up drum sticks and studied every Blink-182 song
When I first saw Danny Way air out of a half-pipe, I skated everyday until my shoes had no soles
When I first heard Eyedea freestyle, I started to rhyme

The same went for when I had feelings for someone
The person wouldn't leave my mind for a second and if I didn't know what they were doing at all times, it would drive me mad
Then came "No Girlfriend"

I used to record in my moms garage in Bloomington
One night, just as I was about to shut down the computer, I was hit hard with a moment of clarity
I suddenly realized how significant it was to have yourself on point before you offer half of your time to someone else
From here on out I wanted to spent 100 of my time focussed on me
I'm a very career driven individual

When I understood this, everything began to click
I would become successful in every aspect of what I was pursuing before entering another relationship

I'm not saying you should push people away and become a loner. What I'm saying is, you have the choice to spend the maximum amount of time focussed on you goals
It's you call, but the choice you make will be the deciding factor in how long it takes for you to get what you want

The more time you spend thinking about what you want, the faster you will get it

I was so inspired by this wake up call that I had to immediately start writing
The second I put my pen to that page it didn't stop moving until the song was completed
The first sentence on that page was "No girlfriend until I make a million"

The reference to making a million doesn't have anything to do with money. Rather, it symbolizes a form of success in the general public's eyes

Within one our, the song was written and recorded inside moms garage. It's my right to become successful and take advantage of the years I've been given

Every dream you want to pursue is waiting for you to introduce yourself. Now is the time to say "Hello"

The time to hesitate has passed. I've always found it interesting that you could walk into any establishment and see one thing about the employees: ages

Old and young people all work under the same roof
You could go into any fast food restaurant and notice just as many people under 40 as you do over 40
The older people are able to maintain a living and pay whatever bills they may have off the same jobs you can get as a 16 year old

Spend your years chasing true ambitions. You're never too old, and it's never to late to dive head first into the dream