I was the kind of kid back in school
Who wore a members only jacket, thought he was kool
That's when I met katrina, she was best friends with seshel
I thought she was the one, yeah I thought she was special
I saw her in the hall about quarter til three
I said I'll take you in my nova, to the tasty freeze
She said I know all about you, more than I should
I know all about the dirty mags you keep in the woods

So tell me how I'm supposed to be when I've been stalked by a lesbian
I can't sleep a wink, and I'm married to the ephedrine
How am I supposed to act when I've been stalked by a lesbian now

Now don't take it light, it may seem funny to you
Yesterday my science project, was covered in glue
So I asked that guy seshel, was it something I said
He said quit being so fuckin' paranoid, it's all in your head
The way she's looking at me, I think she wants me to be,
The guy that always gets shot in every movie you see
She's walking this way, oh my god what should I say,
I hope and pray that one day she'll be straight

So I was at a bar the other night and I looked across the room and
there's this girl and she walks up to me and she's beautiful and she
says 'Hey, I'm Katrina, dude, remember me?' and I freaked I said 'Oh
my god I thought you looked familiar' about this time this 400 fucking
pound woman walks up with Katrina's face tattooed on the side of her
neck, she comes waddling and says 'DON'T FUCK WITH MY GIRL' I looked
at Jabba straight in the fucking eye and say 'Don't worry every time
I picture Katrina's face it's gonna be on the side of your gross,
fat-assed, 3 chinned neck' she says 'Are you stupid?'
I say 'NO I'M JUST SOBER!!!!'