Some people might like to get a train to work,
Or drive in in a beamer or a merc.
Some guys like to travel in a bus,
But I can't be bothered with the fuss.

Today I better take my bike,
'Cos once again the tube's on strike
The greedy bastards want extra pay,
for sitting on their arse all day,
even though they're on 30k.

So I'm standing here in the pouring rain,
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING TRAIN?

London Underground, London Underground,
They're all lazy fucking useless cunts.
London Underground, London Underground,
They're all greedy cunts, I wanna shoot them all,
With a rifle...

All they say is 'Please mind the doors',
And they learn that on the 2-day course.
This job could be done by a four-year-old.
They just leave us freezing in the cold.

What you smell is what you get,
Burger King and piss and sweat.
You roast to death from the boiling heat,
The tourists treading on your feet,
And chewing gum on every seat,

So don't tell me, to mind the gap,
I WANT MY FUCKING MONEY BACK!

London Underground, London Underground,
They're all lazy fucking useless cunts,
London Underground, London Underground,
They're all greedy cunts, I wanna shoot them all,
With a rifle...

La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,

The floors are sticky and the seats are damp,
Every platform has a fucking tramp,

But the drivers get the day off when
WE'RE ALL LATE FOR WORK AGAIN!

London Underground, London Underground,
You're all wankers! You're all wankers!
London Underground, London Underground,
Take your Oyster Card, and shove it up your arsehole.