The first time that I went to church was on a Sunday morning
And from what I'd heard, I figured I'd spend me whole time yawning
At 18 years of age or so, I thought I knew it all
Me 'air was long, me jeans were tight
I loved a knife or buckle fight
Providing mates stood left and right
And those we fought were small
But me mates and me, we'd never been
So off to church we filed
We marched inside, about three abreast
Straight down the middle aisle
Ahh some of us were smokin' cigs
Ron was sucking candies
We sat in what they called a "pew"

Then looked around to see just who'd come inside
Let me tell you, everyone dressed like dandies
The row behind was full of dames
You should've seen their looks!
And one old dear, she gave me a smile
And offered me some books Ta!
We open 'em, pass 'em around
You shoulda seen the words, all set out like poetry is
And the words put us in a tizz
And Fred says through his lemon fizz
"These books is fer the birds"
"Shh! Tsk tsk tsk tsk! "
One old lady says
And the whole place buzzed
And Sam turns and says
"Oh do hush up, you make more noise than us"
We looked around the building then It really was revealing
Sam says, "Hey mates, I get this score
"There ain't no carpets on the floor
"See the rafters; they're so poor they can't afford a ceiling
"Can't afford electric either; using candles everywhere"
There, coloured windows like my grannies at the bottom of the stairs
"Shut your face, " I says to Sam, "I'm for listening"
So was Ron And from the left, without a noise
Came a line of little boys
And Sam says, in a puzzled voice
"Coo, they've all got nighties on"