Yeah, where was the sorry for your absence?
We missed you at dinner
I’ve been drinking in my room, apologies to my liver
It’s only recently that I have found another escape
And even if it’s detrimental, well it’s healing the pain
You see the pain you went and cause me
well it’s leaving a stain
And I ain’t never getting clean, I really mean what I say
I mean we waited here for hours till thе end of the day
How stupid of me, I was thinking you wеre the king
And now the doctors trying to give me medication
They know I’m going crazy, they just needed confirmation
And I just had an episode, they left me at the station
When will I be free of all these trials and tribulations
Hate the way you had to see me getting sectioned
Since I was a young enough, I’m proud of my progression
But now it seems I’ve got this reoccurring question
Sometimes I think the Lord was teaching me a lesson
It wasn’t one thing, it’s accumulation of things
Accumulating and waiting until it breaks you within
All the Satans and Jinns, the rude awaiting begins
Stuck in a conversation, who’s to say who would win?
These conversations were really testing my patience
My palpitations were blatant, my heart was racing away
Children, they need a mother, but mother needs to be saved
Mother was going through it, something deep in her brain
Something that’s psychological, something we couldn’t change
Children, they need a father, my partner, he ran away
I’m trying to find a way I could deal with this by myself
Everyday I pray that the medication will help

Please Lord I pray that this will take me out of
this mess and allow me to live a normal life Amen

I said a prayer but he wasn’t seeming to answer
I said another I wished it could happen faster
I couldn’t sleep, I weeped for many weeks
Knees weak, so I would plead for a release
Need peace, couldn’t achieve the feel of ease
Deep grief from a disease that wouldn’t leave
I started thinking I was evil in my past life
and this is just the punishment
I need encouragement
Without the nourishment
A lover might not ever make it
My soul was desiccated
Hate the way it escalated
I fought to go and end it
All of a sudden resonating
I couldn’t do this to my children
No, we’d ever stay

Now pain won’t pay the bills, bills
No more love to give
I’ll fly if I fall
I’ll fly if I…

Tonight I nearly ended it, this was the second time
I think I get the fact that you were not a friend of mine
What was the reason for the way you had to treat me?
It’s been a couple years now and this was never easy
I’ve been a big embarrassment to both of my kids
It’s past trauma, if you could see the way that we lived
Social services were saying I was maybe a risk
But what do they know? They say they got my name on a list
And did I mention that lately I’ve been doing just fine
And that’s without my medication I was taking my time
And if you ever come around and you’d have faded in the dark
I really hope you wouldn’t live with it wherever you were
But you a coward and knowing that you probably fine
I mean you wouldn’t even care if I was dead
or alive that’s why I hate you
Saying that was sold to your words I think it
crazy how they haven heard the sound of your voice
And no matter what I do I wasn’t feeling the void
I was dealing with some issues that I couldn’t avoid
It’s past pain, and every day was killing my joy
Dealing with the voices that I didn’t enjoy
And lately I’ve been feeling like I’m running out of time
There’s days when I’ll be crazy
and there’s days when I’ll be fine
To sign goals inside this funny mind of mine
Before I rest in peace I really hope the stars align
I’m thankful for my brothers and my cousins and my pops
I hope I don’t annoy them to the point that they give up
Cause truthfully without them I don’t know where I would be
A man will soon become a what’s the company he keeps
I seem to find the door but never seem to find the key
I couldn’t count my blessings and they wasn’t coming free
The voices started speaking this is what they said to me

We hate you and we hope you never sleep
Wouldn’t it be cool if you was hanging from a tree?
Suicide would be nice, it would be best to rest in peace
No one seems to love you and it’s why they always leave
If you died today you know they wouldn’t even mourn
Amongst a bunch of roses you was nothing but a vaunt
A lot of people wish you wasn't born

This pain won’t pay the bills, bills
No more love to give
I’ll fly if I fall
I’ll fly if I fall
I’ll fly if I…

Sorry for the pain you had to go through
He left you on the wrong
when there was no one left to hold you
Left you out to dry when there was no one you was close to
Always make a judgement about a person when they show you
Voices in your mind when you was waiting by the phone
I hate the way he left you there to deal with that alone
I know you’ve done your best with
all the hatred that was shown
I hope one day you find a love that gives your heart a home
You tore apart your life and made the mountain climbs deeper
He laid a seed of left and then he never tried to reach ya
Left you with a burden, I’m the firmest of believer that
What you do will come around soon and be your teacher
I know his evilness has left you in a state
I hope you find some healing and you’re finding your escape
This life that was presented
should have never been your fate
Never been innate, dreading you would never set it straight
A test of faith, broken in many ways
When you was brave, when demons were sent to stage
See you was in the cauldron, bubbling in the motor
I know it’s past golden and maybe your last moments
Your heart’s broken, I wondered if you was coping
I know it’s less open, these problems were hard solving
The pain corrosive, I know it made you impulsive
Let’s hope it slows in the moment
your medication was potent
But if it don’t, then it slowly mows and imposes
On what you say was consoling
I hope you find some atonement
I hope you find some atonement