Yeah, where was the sorry for your absence?

We missed you at dinner

I’ve been drinking in my room, apologies to my liver

It’s only recently that I have found another escape

And even if it’s detrimental, well it’s healing the pain

You see the pain you went and cause me

well it’s leaving a stain

And I ain’t never getting clean, I really mean what I say

I mean we waited here for hours till thе end of the day

How stupid of me, I was thinking you wеre the king

And now the doctors trying to give me medication

They know I’m going crazy, they just needed confirmation

And I just had an episode, they left me at the station

When will I be free of all these trials and tribulations

Hate the way you had to see me getting sectioned

Since I was a young enough, I’m proud of my progression

But now it seems I’ve got this reoccurring question

Sometimes I think the Lord was teaching me a lesson

It wasn’t one thing, it’s accumulation of things

Accumulating and waiting until it breaks you within

All the Satans and Jinns, the rude awaiting begins

Stuck in a conversation, who’s to say who would win?

These conversations were really testing my patience

My palpitations were blatant, my heart was racing away

Children, they need a mother, but mother needs to be saved

Mother was going through it, something deep in her brain

Something that’s psychological, something we couldn’t change

Children, they need a father, my partner, he ran away

I’m trying to find a way I could deal with this by myself

Everyday I pray that the medication will help

Please Lord I pray that this will take me out of

this mess and allow me to live a normal life Amen

I said a prayer but he wasn’t seeming to answer

I said another I wished it could happen faster

I couldn’t sleep, I weeped for many weeks

Knees weak, so I would plead for a release

Need peace, couldn’t achieve the feel of ease

Deep grief from a disease that wouldn’t leave

I started thinking I was evil in my past life

and this is just the punishment

I need encouragement

Without the nourishment

A lover might not ever make it

My soul was desiccated

Hate the way it escalated

I fought to go and end it

All of a sudden resonating

I couldn’t do this to my children

No, we’d ever stay

Now pain won’t pay the bills, bills

No more love to give

I’ll fly if I fall

I’ll fly if I…

Tonight I nearly ended it, this was the second time

I think I get the fact that you were not a friend of mine

What was the reason for the way you had to treat me?

It’s been a couple years now and this was never easy

I’ve been a big embarrassment to both of my kids

It’s past trauma, if you could see the way that we lived

Social services were saying I was maybe a risk

But what do they know? They say they got my name on a list

And did I mention that lately I’ve been doing just fine

And that’s without my medication I was taking my time

And if you ever come around and you’d have faded in the dark

I really hope you wouldn’t live with it wherever you were

But you a coward and knowing that you probably fine

I mean you wouldn’t even care if I was dead

or alive that’s why I hate you

Saying that was sold to your words I think it

crazy how they haven heard the sound of your voice

And no matter what I do I wasn’t feeling the void

I was dealing with some issues that I couldn’t avoid

It’s past pain, and every day was killing my joy

Dealing with the voices that I didn’t enjoy

And lately I’ve been feeling like I’m running out of time

There’s days when I’ll be crazy

and there’s days when I’ll be fine

To sign goals inside this funny mind of mine

Before I rest in peace I really hope the stars align

I’m thankful for my brothers and my cousins and my pops

I hope I don’t annoy them to the point that they give up

Cause truthfully without them I don’t know where I would be

A man will soon become a what’s the company he keeps

I seem to find the door but never seem to find the key

I couldn’t count my blessings and they wasn’t coming free

The voices started speaking this is what they said to me

We hate you and we hope you never sleep

Wouldn’t it be cool if you was hanging from a tree?

Suicide would be nice, it would be best to rest in peace

No one seems to love you and it’s why they always leave

If you died today you know they wouldn’t even mourn

Amongst a bunch of roses you was nothing but a vaunt

A lot of people wish you wasn't born

This pain won’t pay the bills, bills

No more love to give

I’ll fly if I fall

I’ll fly if I fall

I’ll fly if I…

Sorry for the pain you had to go through

He left you on the wrong

when there was no one left to hold you

Left you out to dry when there was no one you was close to

Always make a judgement about a person when they show you

Voices in your mind when you was waiting by the phone

I hate the way he left you there to deal with that alone

I know you’ve done your best with

all the hatred that was shown

I hope one day you find a love that gives your heart a home

You tore apart your life and made the mountain climbs deeper

He laid a seed of left and then he never tried to reach ya

Left you with a burden, I’m the firmest of believer that

What you do will come around soon and be your teacher

I know his evilness has left you in a state

I hope you find some healing and you’re finding your escape

This life that was presented

should have never been your fate

Never been innate, dreading you would never set it straight

A test of faith, broken in many ways

When you was brave, when demons were sent to stage

See you was in the cauldron, bubbling in the motor

I know it’s past golden and maybe your last moments

Your heart’s broken, I wondered if you was coping

I know it’s less open, these problems were hard solving

The pain corrosive, I know it made you impulsive

Let’s hope it slows in the moment

your medication was potent

But if it don’t, then it slowly mows and imposes

On what you say was consoling

I hope you find some atonement

I hope you find some atonement