Have you ever seen yourself on TV?
Well I have
Have you ever been more famous than me?
Well I have
Have you ever been stung by a bee?
Well I have
Have you ever met Muhammad Ali?
I have, I have

Have you ever had a case of the flu?
Well I have
Have you ever had to escape from a zoo?
I have
Have you ever met the guys in The Who?
Well I have
I'm in Who's Who, are you?
I am

Have you ever stood in line at the bank?
Had an uncle named Frank?
Have you ever rode around in a tank?
I have

But I've never been to Fairbanks Alaska
That's the only place I've never been
Have you ever been everywhere else?
I have, I have

Have you ever locked your keys in your car?
Well I have
Have you ever been thrown out of a bar?
I have
But I've never shot 18 under par
And I still don't know where all those balls are
Except the one that went in some doctor's car
One time in Lincoln Nebraska

And some day I'm going to Fairbanks Alaska
If it's the last thing I ever do
Have you ever done everything else?
I have too, I have!