I don't want to go out any more
I read the news, I can't believe my eyes
I push the table against the door
You know I've had it with the world outside

If you want to know about the murderers and junkies
If you want to know about the Lower East Side
Now they got a map shows you where to get your monkey
You can read it in the Monday papers, Monday papers

Some people like a little gore
Some people always at the scenes of crimes
Now they can watch the TV more
Now they can get it in the Sunday Times

If you find it hard to handle what you see on Page One
You can pull the funnies out and have some laughs
Take a drink and maybe you can laugh at Ronald Reagan
You can read it in the Monday papers, read it in the Monday papers

Monday papers don't ask no questions
Monday papers don't get no lies
Monday papers don't raise objection
Monday papers don't got no eyes

Brother's heading that way now I guess
He just read something made his face turn blue
Well I got nothing against the press
They wouldn't print it if it wasn't true

If you want to know about the gay politician
If you want to know how to be a star
Ladies - if you want to know about the new sex position
You can read it in the Monday papers, read it in the Monday papers

Monday papers don't ask no questions
Monday papers don't get no lies
Monday papers don't raise objection
Monday papers don't got no eyes

Monday papers don't ask no questions
Monday papers don't get no lies
Monday papers don't raise objection
Monday papers don't got no eyes

Read all about it, Monday papers