Spivy Leeks was a drip of a man
I met him washing dishes in a local cafe
And he told me if...were fishes
He'd steal all their scales and he ... away

Spivy Leeks was an introvert
Like a broken radio
He'd make your day real long
An end result, ... time he looked up women's skirt
Just trying to figure out what was right from what was wrong

He was looking for Jesus in all the wrong places
There in my hole, save his soul
Spivy Leeks, It's time to go home

Spivy Leeks was an odd looking man
He looks just like a pool table
Shoved into jeans
And he thought that he possessed a secret power
And no matter what he did, he would be redeemed

Spivy Leeks lived at the local 7-11
He looked at dirty magazines most everyday
He studied those pictures like he studied the Bible
He thought that they were angels and that he'd been saved

He was looking for Jesus in all the wrong places
There in my hole, save his soul
Spivy Leeks, It's time to go home

Spivy Leeks robbed a liquor store
Instead of a gun, he used a candy bar
He told the cashiers that he was their saviour
But his holyness,
His holyness and his Baby Ruth didn't get him very far

Spivy Leeks died a glorious death
Down on main street
It was quite a public site
And as Mr. Sheriff man was about to
Blow him to pieces
He said "Halejuhah, I'm coming home tonight."