I have a friend who's gone
And joined some crazy new religion
He's so caught up that he don't know which way is up.
You know the saying that
"There's no saint like a former sinner"
Now he's evangelising everyone he meets
Including me.

I hope it makes you happy,
I hope it makes you feel real good
I hope it makes you happy
But even then you'd better knock on wood.
Now let it be understood.
I wanna be understood.

Another girl I know's loves hanging with cosmetic surgeons
She's on a first-name-basis with the cutting edge
Now she's addicted to the thrill of multiple procedures
Looks in a mirror but she doesn't see herself.
There's no-one else!

My neighbour's getting into transcendental meditation.
He's found the inner-peace that many of us seek.
But I'm not cut out for a life of quiet contemplation,
'Cos when I navel-gaze I only turn up lint.
Well, it makes you think...

Can I get a witness?