Toby
Ladies and gentlemen!
May I have your attention, please!
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
Or what not should be there?

Well, ladies and gentlemen
From now on you can waken at ease!
You need never again have a worry or care
I will show you a miracle, marvelous, rare
Gentleman, you are about to see something
Wot rose from the dead!
On the top of my head

T'was Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
That's what did the trick, sir
True, sir, true
Was it quick sir?
Did it in a tick, sir
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!

How about a bottle mister?
Only costs a penny guaranteed

Does Pirelli's
Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir
'Tis unique

Rub a minute
Stimulatin', I'nt?
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a week!

Sweeney Todd
Pardon me ma'm what's that awful stench?

Mrs. Lovett
Are we standing near an open drench?

Mrs. Lovett (said with Sweeney)
Pardon me sir what's that awful stench?

Sweeney Todd (said with Lovett)
Are we standing near an open drench?

Toby
Buy Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
Anything will slick, sir, suits brass, curls

Try Pirelli's
When they see how thick, sir
You can have your pick, sir
Of the girls!

Wanna buy a bottle misses?

Sweeney Todd
What is this?

Mrs. Lovett
What is this?

Sweeney Todd
Smells like piss

Mrs. Lovett
Smells like, ew!

Sweeney Todd (said with Lovett)
Looks like piss. This is piss. Piss with ink

Mrs. Lovett (said with Sweeney)
I wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear

Toby
Let pirelli's activate your roots, sir

Sweeney Todd
Keep it off your boots, sir, eats right through

Toby
You're scared pirelli's is usable and of it
Ladies seem to love it

Mrs. Lovett
Flies do too