I feel sooo funky!

I was lookin' 'round for a brand new pad ("Uh-huh.")
My girlfriend kicked me out of the one I had ("Go on! Get outta
here! Right now!!")
I'm gonna get a whole house and share it ("That doesn't sound
too bad." "Yeah." "Yeah.")
I figure, if I get a whole house and share it, I can save a ton
of cash ("Mo' money!")

CHORUS:
I hate my new pad
I hate my new pad (I want my old place back)
I hate my new pad
I hate my new pad (but she won't have me back)

Well, I found this one place, but it was a dive ("Aw, yuck!!")
The people who lived there looked half-dead, but the bugs sure were alive
I wanted to take a bath, 'cause my hair, it felt like leather
("Like WHAT?" "LEATHUURRRRR!!!")
But I knew if I dived into that cesspool, I wouldn't be workin'
again ever ("Uh-unh.")

BRIDGE:
Believe it! It's unbelievable!
"Somebody shut that goddamn TV off!"
"Say WHAAAAAAT???"

"(All right, I'm waking up to this new place, going up the steps,
and I've got all this money in my pocket for my first month's
rent, and I know it's gonna be great.)"
"Well, sonny, I think there's a few things you should know before
you move your stuff into MY place."
"Like what?"
"Aww...but..."
"Second of all, if you're thinking of coming in or leaving, you
better let me know 24 hours in advance in writing, because I
have the only keys."
"What?...But I..."
"Third of all, no visitors, no friends, no parties."
"What?...Aw...But what if I...?"
"Fourth and last, no music, no singing in the shower, no radios
and NO FUNKY MUSIC!!!!"

I was lookin' round for a brand new pad ("Uh-huh.")

I hate my new pad (but she won't have me back)
I hate my new pad