I am into showbiz, I am a road manager
D’ya know a sexy chick? I got a pass for her
Touring can be boring, but not for me
You got to entertain yourself, I got a special hobby:

I fuck with the support band, I remember when
We had a shitty little group, called "Freak Kitchen"
I’m always in the mode for, let’s say, any kind of dope
I asked the drummer if he wanted some, but he said "nope"

Well I couldn’t believe what I just heard
The drummer of this group was this astonishing nerd
The singer and guitarist and the bass player as well
If I only had the guts I’d tell ém: go to hell!

Instead I turned around and asked a guy from the crew
To go and get a girl that we all can screw
You see, I an asshole and a real hypocrite
And my wife and kids don’t know hippo-shit

I rather be a jerk, than being hip like you
I rather be a jerk, than do the shit you do
I rather be a jerk, than snort ‘til I turn blue
I rather be a jerk, I rather be a jerk

An orgy a day keeps the Mrs away
I’m a road manager in a giant ashtray
And when my conscience knocks on the door
I bury myself in horse as a cure
And a prostitute, then I shoot some more

I rather be a jerk, than being hip like you
I rather be a jerk, than do the shit you do
I rather be a jerk, than snort ‘til I turn blue
I rather be a jerk, I rather be a jerk