Lowell George (dialog)
Jimmy Carl Black (dialog)
Roy Estrada (dialog)
Bunk Gardner (dialog)
Don Preston (dialog)
Motorhead Sherwood (dialog)
Ian Underwood (dialog)
Arthur Tripp (dialog)
Buzz Gardner (dialog)
Frank Zappa (dialog)

Uhh, may I see your papers pleez??
Uhhh, lemme see.
Hand me your suitcase, let me . . . open it.
I'm just a bit nervous you understand.
Open the suitcase.
This hasn't happened . . . too often.
Uh-huh, I see, how many . . . sixty-two packages of cigarettes. Why are you carrying all zees into Germany for? What are you doing this for?
I . . . I . . .
How long have you been livin' in Berlin?
I don't live in Berlin.
Where do you live?
I live in Texas.
Texas?
Texas.
Oh I see, Lyndon Johnson lives in Texas too, does he not?
I know, Sure does.
Ooh, hm this is alright.
You mind . . . Is it alright if I shut my suitcase off?
Shut it off???
Ha, ha ha ha.
Do you care for one of these cigarettes?
Now, who's this lady you are with?
What lady?
This lady here, standing next to you.
Oh, this is uh, this is...
Has she has papers too?
PAPERS! Lemme see your papers!
How come you have to yell so much, what did we do?
I don't yell.
Were just trying to get into the country.
This is my country, it's not your country, I'm ? here, I've been standing here for years and years doing zis every time. You making me very angry.
Is this ze Fazerland.
This is ze Fazerland yes.
Listen you ought to check all the Mothers through customs. Hey line up as soon as you finished . . .
Are you through with me, sir?
You may step over here to the right.
Thank you.
My name is Fritz, open the suitcase please?
Just a moment here, just a moment.
What is this there's sixty two copies of Horseshit Magazine. What are you carrying Horseshit Magazine around for . . .
It's a hoax, hold it, hold it here.
What is this. Right there!
Hold it hold it. I'll never forget you Fritz
Alright, next, you may close this now.
Next whos up, uh, here he comes. Who are you? Hand me your paper.
Here's my papers
Your name is Duke? What's this Duke, Duke DeWild. Have you seen many German movies, you ever go to ze movies?
I never go to the movies
What is zis, you bring zees into Germany. Zees are Japanese tools. Why do you bring Japanese tools to Germany where we make the finest tools ever, you, what are you doingk? That's 60 marks for you, oh my God, what's the matter with you?
(coughing)
Oh my God, please please not here. Step . . . . Oh my God, what are you doingk. Oh, who are you, what is your name, hand me your paper. Is your name Larry? Larry Frnoga?
Yes.
Larry Frnoga?
Larry Frnoga
Oh my God, what are you doing, what are you doing zat for?
I'm beating the horse to make it go faster.
That's not a horse that's a table.
What's the difference?
Ha, ha, ha
Don't go too fast, does it, for a table.
What is this? Ohhh, zefrin, CL brand of ah nasal spray. You have a cold? How long have you had a cold?
About a year. (about.)
You had a cold for a year, are you trying to bring a cold into zis country. Oh my God don't cough on me. What is this medal say. Sais Berlin survival award 1968.
That's where I got my cold.
You were here before in Berlin.
That's right.
What, what were you doing in Berlin?
I gave a concert
You gave a concert in Berlin?
That's right.
To whom?
The German people.
The German people
Yes.
Don't take the German people lightly, I say, who is this man here, is it Arthur, Arthur Tripp
Arthur, Arthur
It's a German name is it not?
English
Tripp?
Ja.
Tripp?
Ja, JA?!
Ja, ja-ja...
Stop giggling, you're having too much fun, you know we arrest people for having to much fun here.
I beg your pardon.
When you come to someone elses country do you run around on the grass and make it dirty everywhere you go?
No, I stick pretty close to the bars.
You know you people all look... bars?
We have a lot of bars here
Ysure do. Heh-heh, scuze me if I laugh.
Don't laugh.
Alright I'll do that.
Who is this man here, the other man?
He's our leader.
He is your leader?
Ja.
Wh-what is his function and how does he lead you?
He directs us by with signals various vocal noises.
Vocal noises? Vat are some of the noises?
Eh, peep.
Peep?
Poowah.
Pooowahhhhhh
I see you all are very well organised, we all like order in Germany you know. You have such a pleasant smile, may I see your papers?
You see I don't exactly have my papers with me I.
You don't have papers?
I may have left them in my other bag.
He has no papers huh.
He has no papers.
I mean if there was something I could do for you.
Do you have any identification.
Identification, lemme see.
It's a nice watch you have on.
Wa ist los?
It used to have a Mickey Mouse there, I...
I tell you what I'll do.
If if if you give me zat watch.
Nein.
That's a very strange german accent.
Ja ha ha ha.
Are you sure . . .
Are you from Strabourg or was
He's a russian spy, he's a Russian I think.
I think so.
Get Him.
Hands Up!
Oh God.
What's goin on?
You want an enema?
No I'll take a cheeseburger.
Why is the bow-tie goink from your neck.
I'm practicing to fly.
Why is everyone in this group having bow ties going from ze neck?
They're all weird.
Gimme your watch.
I still don't trust this guys accent.
Who is this, who, who? Come here, come over here. Do you have a suitcase.
We must watch this one.
We must watch this one, right. Let's open the suitcase.
Awright. What is this, oh, you too carry many cigarette. What is this lyrics. Ah these are lyrics:
My guitar wants to kill you mama
My guitar wants to burn your dad
I get real mean when he makes me mad
This is very good, this is very normal, German lyrics. You're all welcome to our country.
Ha ha ha.
Don't laugh.