Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)

Central Scrutinizer:
Hello there...this is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe was sent to a special prison where they keep all the other criminals from the music business...you know...the ones who get caught...it's a horrible place, painted all green on the inside, where musicians and former executives take turns snorting detergent and plooking each other...

(As the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER chuckles to himself for a moment, FATHER RILEY, who became BUDDY JONES, steps into view in his new identity: FATHER RILEY B. JONES, Prison Chaplain, who, in a rather heavy-handed piece of imagery, is now entrusted with the job of singing this song as he assists the captured executives in their quest for new meat to plook, and, once having found these victims for the princes of the industry, trades them little blobs of sanctified lubricant jelly for cigarettes and candy bars while he holds them down so the execs won't have to work too hard when they stick it in.)

...Anyway, listen, while he's in there he meets this guy who used to be a promo man for a major record company, named Bald-Headed John... King of the Plookers...

Father Riley B. Jones:
This is the story 'bout
Bald-Headed John

Former Execs:
Dong work for Yuda,
Dong, Dong

Father Riley B. Jones:
He talks a lot 'n' it's
usually wrong

Former Execs:
Dong work for Yuda,
Dong, Dong

Father Riley B. Jones:
He said Dong
was Wong,
'N Wong was Kong
'N Dong work for
Yuda,
'N John was wrong

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
Dong work for Yuda
Dong, Dong
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
He said Dong
was Wong
And Wong was Kong
And Dong was Gong
'N John was wrong

Father Riley B. Jones:
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage
that'll make you fart
John's got a sausage
that'll break
your heart
Make you fart
And break your heart
Don't bend over
if you are smart
He took a little walk
to the weenie stand
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
A great big weenie
in both his hands
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
He sucked on the end
'til the mustard squirt
He said, "Ya'll stand
back 'cause you
might get hurt"

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
John's got a sausage
Yeh man

Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
He said Dong
was Wong
Wong was Kong
Kong was Gong
'N John was wrong

Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

Bald-Headed John:
Make way for the
iron shaschige

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

Bald-Headed John:
I need a dozen towels
so the boys can take
a shower

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

Bald-Headed John:
Bartender, bring me
a colada and milk

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

Bald-Headed John:
Well, on second thought,
make that a water...
HtO

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

Bald-Headed John:
Falcum...
Take me to the falcum!

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

Bald-Headed John:
I wave my bags
Did you wave your'n

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

Bald-Headed John:
Well how much
did they wave?

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

Bald-Headed John:
Ah'm almost two
kilometers tall

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

Bald-Headed John:
This girl must be
praketing richcraft

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

Bald-Headed John:
Don't worry about
the faggot
I'll take care of
the faggot

Former Execs:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

Try it again,
Try it again
Try, try, try again...
etc., etc., etc.

Bald-Headed John:
Your Pomona is
very extinct...
Yeah, I studied with
the Dong of Tokyo
'N also with the
oriental Kato...
My body contain
uh water
I just loves the way
these Copenhagens
talks!
Driver, McDoodle...
Sausage
Salima
Salami
That looks like that
stuff that Freckles
lets out
Once a mumfth...