When it came to me one day in Jerksville
Man, I was right on the edge
That jacket's too small for a man of your size
And those socks are too big for your head

My eyes glaze at whatever you say
But I'm listening, do tell me more
It goes under the bridge, right over my head
And out through my portable door

I was trapped in a dire situation
Between reason and someone-in-law
The winner takes all and runs off with the ball
Nothing could pleasure me more

Times were, I'd have spoken my piece
For a minute or two held the floor
But I can't get a word in
So here I am hurtling
Right out through my portable door

The jabbering's hurting my brain cell so bad
For once in my life I am bored
The public house beckons, I follow the call
And slip in through my portable door

The unlikely event came upon me
I wasn't prepared for the shock
Once round my neck and twice round the deck
And the rest disappeared up the block

So here we are and everything's changed
Faster than ever before
You gotta be jokin', man what are you smoking
Blow it out through my portable door