It's the magic word they claim, came down from ancient Babylon
When the tower of Babel crumbled, and the language was all wrong
The natives were confused and yet, they understood one word
Now it's on display in a mall museum, down in south Pittsburgh

Kalhöun!, everybody cry Kalhöun!

Some preacher says it's the first word, that Adam said to Eve
Religious tracts and bulletins note, "Speak it and believe"
Some say it's just deception, empty and absurd
While the elect say the last times, were triggered by the word

Kalhöun!, yeah everybody sing Kalhöun!
Don't know exactly what it means
It's just a sacred kinda thing - Kalhöun!

Now when carpenters hit their thumbs
They'll yell out loud the "Kalhöun!" curse
And the faithful flock to pa, to bow to Lord Kalhöun the first
He says "Messiah's in the dessert", but a few of us won't go
We're going down to the Kalhöun church, to pray it isn't so

Kalhöun!, is the thing - now everybody sing Kalhöun!
And even the president says it's a miracle
"Kalhöun" the nation cries, "You're a miracle"
On baseball cards, beer, and cars and cereal
Kalhöun is the word, now everybody's heard - Kalhöun!

Some politician has an idea to take a million men
Go downtown Los Angeles and build the tower again
Why nothing can stop us this time, we'll mount the word on high
Spell K-A-L-H-Ö-U-N across the steel grey sky