When the postman don't call on Valentine's day And Santa Claus don't come on a Christmas Day That umbrella won't work on a rainy day Don't ask me, I already know When they find you beached on the barrier reef And the only pleasure treasured is in map relief The choice is yours, sure, saint or thief Don't ask me I already know When they baked your cake in little slices, Kept your eyes on rising prices, Wound up winning booby prizes; I'm sure you'd like to think you know what life is Find destiny through magazines Liplicking, unzipping Harpers and Queens From here to eternity, Without in-betweens, Don't ask me, I already know With your heart on parade and your heart on parole I hope you find a sucker to buy that mink stole School for scandal, Guess who's enrolled? So ask me, I already know When they find you beached on the barrier reef When the postman don't call on Valentine's Day When the only pleasure treasured is in map relief When you don't tell the truth, that's the price you pay When I'm shaking a hand, I'm clenching a fist If you gave me a pound for the moments I missed And I got dancing lessons for all the lips I shoulda kissed I'd be a millionaire